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Only a Broke Girl Has a Million Dollar Pussy

20 Jun

Let me tell you girls…

If you think you have a million dollar pussy

Then you selling yourself cheap.

Everyone knows that if you can count it… then you don’t got enough.

Your most prized asset should be invaluable.

If you’re getting your advice from Nicki Minaj then you’re doing it wrong.

You need to be listening to Nicki Minaj’s boss’s, boss.

Or how about your just take notes from Liliane Bettencourt.

Nicki when you’re event a QUARTER near as rich as her…then give advice.

#Truth

60 Facts Girls Need to Know About Guys

13 May

Preface:  I crossed out all facts that were false!  Enjoy!

1. Guys hate sluts even though they have sex with them!

2. “Hey, are you busy?” or “Are you doing something?” ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.

3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they’re going to say so there aren’t awkward pauses, but once he’s on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile when they’re attracted to them

6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.

7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they’re going for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method.

8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they’re still loved.

10. Don’t talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.

11. Guys get jealous easily.

12. Guys are more emotional than they’d like people to think.

13. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what?!..uh…never mind..” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he’ll assume he did something wrong and he’ll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway. <— Who fuckin’ wrote this shit?! a 14 year old?!

16. Girls are guys’ weaknesses.

17. Guys are very open about themselves.

18. It’s good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don’t let him wait too long.

19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend. <— What the fuck does this mean?!

20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice. <— Then don’t tell ppl your problems?!  

21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.  <— Tell this to all the battered women!!!!

22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

23. Guys will brag about anything.

24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you a whole hell of a lot.

25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy’s confused, then we’re all confused.

27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.

28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.

29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he’s too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won’t be mature and grown up.

30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.  

31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.

32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.

34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he’s probably faking it and is spazzing inside.

35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me.” <— Okay, have you EVER sat with a man during Game 7 of a basketball series or Superbowl or March Madness?!  GTFO!

37. Guys don’t really have final decisions.

38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn’t happen that often, so when it does, you know something’s up.

39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you’re with your boyfriend, he’s probably jealous and likes you.

40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he’s definitely thinking something. <— Or has gas.

41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

42. Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.

43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

44. Don’t be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.

45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.

46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.

47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.

48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.

49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl’s mind for a day.

50. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He’s just too stubborn to admit it.

51. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn’t mean he represents ALL of us.

52. We don’t like girls who are too skinny.

53. We love it when girls talk about there ass.

54. Always make sure you know what kind of stuff your getting into before making out with a guy , like whether it’s a one time deal or not .

55. Believe it or not shy guys are the most easiest to talk to. It may not seem right but trust me they will start opening up like books after you just ask them questions about their lives and unnoticeable tell them about yours.

56. When a guy hits your butt it means that he wants you sexually.

57. Even if they refuse it all guys are ticklish on the ribs.

58. Guys love neck rubs and if he lets you keep doing it, it means that he really likes you or his neck really hurts.

59. Guys will test the waters to see how far they can get with you. Even if he doesn’t intend to it will happen. Know how far it is you want to let him go and he will respect that after you let him know a couple times.

60. When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to be with you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.

5 Tips on Giving Great Head

12 Jan

Fellatio

1.) You have to love sucking dick. If you don’t love putting cock in your mouth then don’t even pretend like you’re going to.  Also, if you suck dick, but hate doing so it will show in your prefermance.  Be honest with yourself.  Love it or leave it

2.) Lick it like a lollipop.  Take a page out of Weezy F. Baby’s book.  Lick that shit like it’s a lollipop.  Lick the shaft up and down.  Suck on the head.  Have your tongue slide up and down the penis gently.  Suck it soft them hard.  Let him know you’re there.

3.) Play with this his balls.  They need some attention too.  In my experience, most men won’t say they want thier balls sucked, but in my experience… most men want thier balls sucked.  Double points if you can put both in your mouth at the same time.

4.) Put ice in your mouth.  The warm/cold sensation drives them crazy and they LOVE it!

5.) Smile.  Let him see your smile while you’re stroking the penis.  That lets the man know you are enjoying this dick

Question?  Leave them in the comments.

Where the FUCK have you been?!

5 Jan

Sorry, I just haven’t been inspired to write anything lately.  Due to the lack of penis in and around my mouth there is not a lot to say on the subject of getting ass at night and names in the morning.

 

I plan to change that in the coming weeks, but until then I will need you guys to bare with me just a little bit longer.  

 

Not much longer, I promise.

 

Oh yeah…

Happy New Year BITCHES!

When is a man considered short?

18 Oct

Someone asked me today what I consider short.

Answer: Anyone under 6’2